Transcribed By: Michael T Balonek
My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask
What it possibly could protect, I do not know
The other guys on the team like to make fun of my little shoulder pads,
And also like to hide my special shoe that I made to kick in the snow
People think it's so easy to kick a field goal from the 30 yard line,
But they forget to add 7 yards for the snap and ten more 'cause the goal
posts are pushed way back
In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal lines, but some of the
players were running into them and getting hurt
So screw the kicker
Who cares about the kicker?
But I kick that ball,
And I pray it goes straight,
If it does, the coach says, "Good Job, Number 8"
He doesn't even know my name,
It's Andre Christochovitchlalinsky, Jr
But that's the life I live,
The lonesome kicker
Kick-offs can be so very scary,
Especially if the returner breaks right through,
And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him
I don't want to get hurt,
So I pretend to tie my shoe
Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches
"Go back where you came from!" screamed 70 million fans
Well I know I could win their love back by catching a winning touchdown,
But unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands
Well, I hope the camera's don't come in too close,
'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes,
As I sit on this bench made of cold, hard wood,
And the splinters go deep in my thighs
Oh, the towel-boy snickers when he walks by,
The lonesome kicker
Another blocked kick
And everybody blames me
But it was the left guard
Who didn't pick-off his
man!
Oh, why can't they see?
In my home country, I could've been a minor-league soccer player,
But I came to America seeking fortune, and seeking fame
I didn't realize that if I shanked one and blew the point spread,
Some drunk guys would push me into their Hibachi after the game
So I go home at night, 'cause I never get invited to go drinking with
the other guys,
And I sit on a chair and soak my feet,
As I eat a plate of cold french-fries,
And my wife's out with a quote-unquote "friend",
And my son can't look me in the eye
Well that's the life I live,
The lonesome kicker
Kickin' for you
They took my snow shoe
They're going fortwo
Ooh, ooh