Ladies and gentlemen
Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation

My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed straight for the top
My sister and I earned a thou a week, at least, oh yeah
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased

I know it's sad of course
But a fact, is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains of a perfect double act

Watch this
We have to imagine it with two people
It's swell with two people

First I'd, then she'd
Then we'd but I can't do it alone
Then she'd, then I'd
Then we'd but I can't do it alone

She'd say, "What's your sister like?"
I'd say, "Men"
She'd say, "You're the cat's meow"
Then we'd wow the crowd again

When she'd go, I'd go, we'd go

Then those ding-dong daddies started a roar
Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming, begging for more

And we'd say,"Okay, fellas, keep your socks up
'Cause you ain't seen nothing yet"
But I simply cannot do it alone

So what do you think, huh?
Come on, you can say

I know, you're right, the first part's shit
But the second part? The second part is really nifty
Okay

She'd go, I'd go, we'd go

And then those two-bit Johnny's did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction in town
They nearly tore the balcony down

And we'd say, "Okay boys, we're going home
But before we go, here's a few more parting shots
And this, this, we did in perfect unison"

Now ya see me going through it
You may think there's nothing to it
But I simply cannot do it alone