I dreamt a dream the other night I couldn't sleep a wink
The rats were tryin' to count the sheep and I was off the drink
There were footsteps in the parlour and voices on the stairs
I was climbin' up the walls and movin' round the chairs
I looked out from under the blanket up at the fireplace
The Pope and John F Kennedy were starin' in me face*
Suddenly it dawned at me I was getting the old DTs
When the Child o' Prague began to dance around the mantlepiece

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Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
How your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout

Well I swore upon the bible I'd never touch a drop
My heart was palpitatin' I was sure 'twas going to stop,
Thinkin' I was dyin' I gave my soul to God to keep
A tenner to St Anthony to help me get some sleep
I fell into an awful nightmare - got a dreadful shock
When I dreamt there was no Duty-free at the airport down in Knock
George Seawright was sayin' the rosary and SPUC were on the pill**
Frank Patterson was gargled and he singin' Spancil Hill

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I dreamt that Mr Haughey had recaptured Crossmaglen
Then Garret got re-elected and gave it back again
Dick Spring and Roger Casement were on board the Marita-Ann
As she sailed into Fenit they were singin' Banna Strand
I dreamt Archbishop McNamara was on Spike Island for 3 nights
Havin' been arrested for supportin' Traveller's rights
I dreamt that Ruairi Quinn was smokin' marijuana in the Dail
Barry Desmond handin' Frenchies out to scuts in Fianna Fail

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I dreamt of Nell McCafferty and Mary Kenny too
The things that we got up to, but I'm not tellin' you
I dreamt I was in a jacuzzi along with Alice Glenn
'twas then I knew I'd never ever, ever drink again

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