Ernie: "Hey Bert, it's--"
Bert: "-Aak-Eek-Aak!--"
Ernie: "--time for our checker game" (Ernie looks apologetic)
Bert: "Oh Ernie, you scared me! I thought you weren't here"
Ernie: "Well maybe I'm not then"
Bert: "What do you mean?"
Ernie: "You're usually right about most things, Bert"
Bert: (modest) "Welllllllll "
Ernie: "And if you think I'm not here then maybe I'm not!"
Bert: "Good! If you're not here, Ernie, then I can go back to reading my book"
(Bert does go read for about two seconds, as Ernie starts to get worried)
Ernie: "But the question is If I'm not here "
Bert: (to himself) "Oh no "
Ernie: (worried) " then Where Am I?"
Bert: "It's going to be one of those days"
(Ernie gets a pair of binoculars and looks out the window with them)
Bert: "Ernie (irritated) Ernie, what are you doing?"
Ernie: "I'm looking for me, Bert! (pause) I thought I might be out taking a walk on Sesame Street, but I don't see me anywhere (pause) Then if I'm not out on Sesame Street ---- I must be Lost!!"
Bert: "I don't believe this"
Ernie: "I'm lost! (he's really upset by now) Out there, all alone, wandering through some spooky forest, or down some lonesome road This is terrible! (starts to cry) I'll never see me again!"
Bert: "Ernie!"
Ernie: (sniff) "I miss me!"
Bert: "Ernie, will you stop that! Now, I can prove to you that You Are Here Now, get our hand mirror (Ernie picks it up) Now, what's that?"
Ernie: "Oh, it's a mirror"
Bert: "No, no, I mean look inside!"
Ernie: (looks in the mirror) "I see me, Bert! That's me in the mirror, Bert!"
Bert: "Right! And if you see yourself in the mirror , that means--"
Ernie: "That means I must be Here! Gee, thanks, Bert! (smiles at the reflection) I missed me! (Ernie then goes back to Bert, tapping him on the shoulder as before) Hey Bert it's time--"
Bert: "Aak-Eek-Aak!"
Ernie: " for our checker game! I'm here!"
Bert: (angry) "Ernie, we can not play checkers!"
Ernie: "Why not, Bert? I'm here!"
Bert: (angry) "That's right, you're here, Ernie! BUT I'M NOT!" (marches out and slams door, leaving Ernie rather surprised)