"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college"

[Dean:] "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations

On your upcoming graduation and I understand
You are interested in matriculating here in the fall"

[Buffoon:] "I got a snake, man!"

[Dean:] "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus

Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile"

[Buffoon:] "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that!

It was all fucked up!"

[Dean:] "I'm sure it was

Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students
And pets here on campus"

[Buffoon:] "Fuckin' Shit!"

[Dean:] "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy

So tell me a little bit more about your background"

[Buffoon:] "My father's a fucking asshole, man!"

[Dean:] "Hmm, I see Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son"

[Buffoon:] "My mother's a piece of shit too!"

[Dean:] "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility

Over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed
And ready to learn"

[Buffoon:] "My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man!

She had her head way up her ass!"

[Dean:] "Well the quality of the faculty at a University

Such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school"

[Buffoon:] "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"

[Dean:] "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success"

[Buffoon:] "I had diarhea last month I had to shit all fucking day!"

[Dean:] "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug,

Never a pleasurable experience
So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"

[Buffoon:] "I've got a big fucking boner right now"

[Dean:] "I see Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods

Of nervous tension I do not take offense"

[Buffoon:] "One time I ate my neighbors shit!"

[Dean:] "That's understandable Well, I enjoyed meeting you

We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month"

[Buffoon:] "I bet you got really hairy balls"

[Dean:] "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there Bye bye"