When I was a little kid I thought I wanted to be a fireman
I think a lot of guys- Did you wanna be a fireman when
You were a little kid? People ask you What do you want to be?
I wanna be a FIREMAN! I didn't really wanna be a fireman
I thought I did I just really wanted to spray shit with a hose
That's what I really wanted to do I wanted to be like a spray-man
No I was fucking good I'm not laughing I was really good with the hose
I could make it look like if make it feel like it was raining
If you closed your eyes, you would think it was raining
That's how good I was You'd be like Oh my god it is really raining
It's very cold rain That's how good I was and I'm not laughing
You're laughing, I'm not laughing I could not be a fire-
If I go to a house and it was fully on fire Fuck that! I quit
I would just stand outside and watch it burn with everybody else
And the woman next to me be like Please my son,
He's screaming in there I'd be like Well he's probably on fire!
That's what happens when you're on fire lady
What are you doing out here? You fucking think for yourselfer
Why didn't you make a map for him or something?

A policeman I don't know how they do that job man
What about those cops in New York I just saw this on CNN a few days ago
In New York, these cops freaked out, they shot this guy like 15 times
Because they said they thought he had a grenade
He was eating a pear! How do you fuck that up!
Unless he was eating it like OOOOO (takes bite, throws pear)
THAT'S A DELICIOUS PEAR!

I had one uh job that was kinda cop-like
One summer I did uh security at a miniature golf course
Just standing out in the sun all day
Hey hey excuse me Sir get your putter out of the whale's ass!
Come one this is a place of miniature business
This is not a playground, even though it looks like a playground