Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you He looks
like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a
snout-like megaphone apparatus in the front with two big eyes
mounted like Appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome
eyebrows over them Along the side of his disc-like body are several
sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which apparently
propel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke
rings In the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock and
constantly twirling anemometer The bottom of him has a landing
light and three spoked wheels In spite of all this, it is obvious
that the way he really gets around is by being dangled from place to
place by a union guy with a dark green shirt up in the roof who is
eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in a while
and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that
makes the cheap smoke)

He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZERit is my responsibility to enforce
all the laws that haven't been passed yet It is also my
responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential
consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be
performing which could eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or
affect your parents' credit rating) Our criminal institutions are
full of little creeps like you who do wrong thingsand many of
them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC!

Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to
society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to
stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully
described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the
Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to
accommodate THE FUTURE)

I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to
you if you choose a career in MUSICThe WHITE ZONE is for loading
and unloading onlyif you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE
ZONE you'll love itit's a way of lifeHa, ha, ha, ha,
haHi, it's me, I'm back This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZERThe
WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading onlyIf yah gotta load,
or if yah gotta unload, go to the WHITE ZONE You'll love itit's
a way of life That's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life,
that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love it
This, is, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER