(Hank Card)
We'd like to set the record straight by singing of the newt
For newts are open-minded; they are flexible and cute
A newt can breathe in water and a newt can breathe on land
And if you are a different critter newts will understand
Newts are not mean-spirited; they never are unfair
Newts are not underhanded and are not afraid to share
Newts do not have bad haircuts because newts are lacking hair
But the newt called Gingrich drives all true newts to despair
Gingrich the Newt's a disgrace to the name
When true newts see him they feel so ashamed
He's the black sheep of the newt family
The one rotten fruit on the newt family tree
Newts don't prey on other newts; in that they don't believe
And you will never catch a newt with something up his sleeve
They're tolerant to different environments and so
They don't sen little newties to the orphanage to grow
What kind of newt wears a suit and a tie
And frightens small children as he rushes by?
But we admit that his suit suits him good
Much more discreet than a sheet and a hood
A newt may be cold-blooded but he won't go to extremes
And you can trust a newt to be exactly what he seems
Newts are sorry if you're sad; they're happy if you're gay
But Gingrich is perverse, and worse
He's proud to be that way
Gingrich the Newt is puffed up like a toad
So full of himself that he's bound to explode
And then we'll raise up our tails in salute
A fitting tribute
To that horse's patoot
Gingrich the Newt