Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
LEFOU
Darn right
GASTON
No one says "no" to Gaston!
Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear
LEFOU
More beer?
GASTON
What for? Nothing helps
I'm disgraced
LEFOU
Who, you? Never!
Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together
LEFOU
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
LEFOU AND CHORUS
No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LEFOU
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
GASTON
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LEFOU AND CHORUS
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LEFOU
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips
CHORUS
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LEFOU
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
BIMBETTES
For there's no one as burly and brawny
GASTON
As you see I've got biceps to spare
LEFOU
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
GASTON
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
CHORUS
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LEFOU
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
GASTON
I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
CHORUS
Ten points for Gaston!
GASTON
When I was a lad
I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown
I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
CHORUS
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LEFOU
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
GASTON
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
CHORUS
My what a guy, Gaston!