I'm going back down to Florida
And I'm gonna bowl me a perfect game
I'm gonna cut off my leg down in Florida?
And I'm gonna dance one-legged off in the rain
Well they say that Sidney Poitier was a blind man
And they say that LBJ was a Soviet Jew
I said that when I go down to Florida way,
They're ain't no kind of sexual healing that I would not, should not, or could not do, say this right here!

Well I'm movin' down to Florida
And you know that I'm gonna hafta potty train the chairman Mao
I'm gonna make the governor write my doodoo a letter, child And then I'm gonna grind me up a White Castle slider out of a India sacred cow
Well, I'm going down to Florida, child
And I'm gonna build me the atomic bomb
I'm gonna hold time hostage down in Florida, child
Ain't nobody, ain't nobody, gonna tell me what to do
Stepchild!

By this time I guess you've figured out about Florida
Turn the muddy water in the Vaseline stained
They be makin' tadpoles the size of Mercurys in Florida
That be tellin' Julio Iglesias what to sing, now
Now, whoever said that Sidney Poitier was a blind man?

Knew the same of Elvis Presley, too
Cuz all the saugages that dance like Ray Bolger on the hood of a car in the traffic jam,
No, just gettin set, couldn'twhat to do, right here!

Well I be goin' th' mornin'
Pole cats settin' up a Seminole in sin
even though I'm in Florida
Just like Vince, I wanna' win
Well I'm in Florida
I got hurt
So I took all the children down in Florida
I stuck the dick down in the dirt
Well I'm never going back to Florida
That's why I'm leaving today
When I settle down in Florida
I'm gonna explode the whole damn Tampa Bay
Get that boy in Florida
And teach him what to do