I'm never bored when I'm with you
We're pals, we're buddies through and through
I wish I knew what to buy for you
On your birthday

Our friendship goes against the grain
I've seen you swell up in the rain
I saw you - didn't see your pain
Was it termites

It's never hard to talk to you
Though you stump me with your silence
I feel so naughty pining here
For your happy face's guidance

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

Sitting there so silently
What could you be thinking
You're not saying; I won't axe
Is that sealant that you're drinking

Man, you're hammered! Nailed you, pal
Al Gore's wife's name is "Tipper
I knew that we'd be best friends for life
When I saved you from that chipper

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

Ooo, Plank
Count the rings, count the rings
Ooo, Plank
Count the rings

I'd walk you on the seven seas
But sawdust always makes me wheeze
I met your mom and dad the trees
But please don't get Dutch elm disease

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
You're my best friend, Plank