(announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelley in and act--of desperation

My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed straight for the top
My sister and I earned a thou a week, at least-- oh yeah
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased
I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact:
And now all that remains
is the remains
of a perfect double act

(spoken) Watch thisNow you have to imagine it with two people-- it's swell with two people

First I'd--(music while she dances)
Then she'd--(music while she dances)
Then we'd--(music while she dances)
But I can't do it alone

Then she'd--(music while she dances)
Then I'd--(music while she dances)
Then we'd--(music while she dances)
But I can't do it alone

She'd say,"What's your sister like?"
I'd say "Man"
She'd say "You're the cat's meow!"
Then we'd wow the crowd again
When she'd go--(music while she dances)
I'd go--(music while she dances)
We'd go--(music while she dances)
Then those ding-dong daddies started a roar!
Whistles, stomped, stamped on the floor,
yellin', screamin' begging for more--
And we'd say 'Ok fellas, keep your socks up,
'cause you ain't seen nothin' yet"

But I simply cannot do it alone!
(spoken) So what do you think, huh?
Come on, you can say it
(Roxie blows raspberry)
(spoken) I know you're right, the first part's s**t,
but the second part--the second part is really nifty!
(sighs) Ok,

She'd go--(music while she dances)
I'd go--(music while she dances)
We'd go--(music while she dances)

And then those two-bit Johnnys dug in the ground
to cheer the best attraction in town
[They] Nearly tore the balcony down!!
And we'd say "OK fellas, we're going home, but before we go,
here's a few more pardon shots!"
And this, this we did in perfect unison!--(music while she dances)

You see me goin' through it,
You may think there's nothin' to it,
But I simply cannot do it alone!