(Chris Clark/Richard Fagan/Cledus T Judd/Robb Royer)

Sadie, pull this car over
Let me get a can of skoal

Well, I went down to the Grundy county auction:
The sign said no tobacco where we sat
My wife told me that I should spit with caution,
Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat

And I said: "Hush your mouth, no body's gonna mind,
"If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
"'Cos a little bit of skoal never hurt no one at all"
And I've never seen anyone get so mad,
From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat,
When I spit on him once and I spit on him twice,
Spit skoal on the fellow in the second row
Well, he turned around and nearly broke my nose
I got a big fat lip and two black eyes:
Should have just went and dipped outside

Well, it must have been about eight or nine more minutes,
Until I pulled that can of skoal back out
And I knew when I put my fingers in it,
That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd,
Look out!

And ya know, I really don't care if anybody mind,
A pinch between ya' cheek and ya' gum is not a crime,
So I'll do my spitting and the heck with the rest of y'all
Well, I've never saw people getting so danged mad:
Worst county auction they've ever had
'Cos I spit on 'em once and spit on' em twice:
Spit skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a ladies white dress
But in the end they got me back you see:
They all took a dip and spit on me

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block,
And took my skoal away
And the town still hates to talk about the mess,
That was made that day when I said:

"Hush your mouth, no body's gonna mind,
"If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
"'Cos a little bit of skoal never hurt no one at all"
Well, I never saw people getting so durned mad:
The worst county auction they've ever had
'Cos I spit on 'em once and spit on' em twice:
Spit skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a ladies white dress
Should've swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride
Shoulda just went and spit outside

Whew
Boy, that was hard