Mr Universe, can you help me please?
I'm only seven stone two
When I'm on the beach, the girls stay out of reach
They all want someone like you
You've got to help me, now please Mr Universe
Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case
Don't let me down now, please Mr Universe
I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face
Mr Universe, you know it's getting worse
I need your seven-day plan
I'm thinner every day, before I waste away
I need a muscle-bound man
You've got to help me, now please Mr Universe
Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case
Don't let me down now, please Mr Universe
I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face
You've got to help me, now please Mr Universe
Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case
Don't let me down now, please Mr Universe
I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face

Acoustic Guitar: Gerry Rafferty
Electric Guitar: Alan Parker
Keyboards: Tom Parker
Bass: Gary Taylor
Drums: Henry Spinetti
Lead Vocals: Gerry Rafferty
Backing Vocals: Gerry Rafferty / Joe Egan
Mystery Voices: Rab Noakes / Hugh Murphy