I was feelin' depressed I was feelin real low down
I felt so bad I could not get my butt up off the grounds
I was mopin' around the house I was bumpin' into walls
I was cryin' at the Andy Griffith show and I was snappin' and the dog
I was startin' to fear for my sanity
I could not find my ego with both hands

So I decided professional help was the only hope for me
So I called up this number which I'd gotten of TV
They said "Are you havin' marital problems Are you emotionally impaired
Are you sure you're bein' followed or Are you just scared of bein' scared?
Well if so you better come on in have a little talk with the doc"

So I did

I said doctor good doctor I got trouble on my mind
Listen to me doc I don't have too much time
I got a feelin' down inside me and it will not go away
You know it hangs on and bangs on my soul every day
Doctor good doctor I'm grabbin' at loose ends
And I haven't felt like I used to since I don't know when
Yesterday go past me today is all the same
And tomorrow really scares me I just can't play the game

He said quit whinin'
He said straighten up and fly right
He said life is not a piece of cake
He wanted to know if my insurance was paid up
Well I'm OK You're OK if the check's OK
Second best hundred dollars I ever spent