While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor
Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I tell her how good I feel

Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas clu
We'll give you ten of them flags for free"
Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took her up on what he said
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead

Repeat Chorus:

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see
So, I ran the car upside a cur
And right into a tree
By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said

But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more