Oh, Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Catching smugglers in New York and thieves in Illinois, oh
Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

Dashing through the town
In a one-horse Escalade
Hunting criminals down
Punching all the way, PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!
Helping the police
Eating candy canes
Wearing polar fleece
And an umbrella if it rains

Oh, Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Catching smugglers in New York and thieves in Illinois, oh
Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

Dashing through the snow
In a pizza delivery van
Over the streets they go
Hitting pedestrians, Just kidding!
Never doing drugs
Calling their grandmas
Giving lots of hugs to
Everyone who needs a hug

Oh, Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Silver bells and do be do
I lost my train of thought ROCK LOBSTER!
Jingle man, Christmas boy
Fighting crime with toys
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho