What time should I pick you up tonight
To make me look more respectable?
What kind of flowers should I bring your mother
To make me look more delectable?

I got no problem with family events
I like lemonade and camping, kids, and tents
I'll do anything you ask, no matter the task
My whole purpose on Earth is just to
Kiss your ass

What kind of drugs should I take tonight
To make me look like I'm introverted?
What kind of pornos should I bring your brother
To let him know that I'm still perverted?

I got no problem with family events
I like lemonade and camping, kids, and tents
I'll do anything you ask, no matter the task
Cause my whole purpose on earth is just to
Kiss your ass

Teach me somethin', I don't know nothin'
But I swear I'll be somethin' someday
Strain my ears just listenin' too hard to what you say

How many times should I cruise your block
On my tiny red tricycle?
Screamin' your name sweetheart in vain
This love stew has got me in a pickle

I got no problem with family events
I like lemonade and camping, kids, and tents
I'll do anything you ask, no matter the task
Hey, you're the director, I'm just the cast
You can cheat on me and I'll be chaste
Just say, "Hey nimrod" and I'll come runnin' fast
Cause my whole purpose on earth
My whole purpose on earth
My whole purpose on earth
My whole purpose on earth
My whole purpose on earth is just to
Kiss your ass
Kiss your ass
Kiss your ass
Kiss your ass