Here we are dear old friend
You and I drunk again
Laughs have been had
And tears have been shed
Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head
But if I were gay I would give you my heart
And if I were gay you'd be my work of art
And if I were gay we would swim in romance
But I'm not gay so get your hand out of my pants
It's not that I don't care, I do
I just don't see myself in you
Another time another scene
I'd be right behind you, if you know what I mean
Cause if I were gay I would give you my soul
And if I were gay I would give you my whole being
And if I were gay we would tear down the walls
But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my hand
We've never hugged, we've never kissed
I've never been intimate with your fist
But you have opened brand new doors
Get over here and drop your drawers!