We had to book a holiday, but we were sick o'Whitley bay
We fancied the Mediterranean
All the vacancies had gone, that's all the vacancies but one
A Vacancy for which we didn't plan

WHAT COULD WE DO? WE COULD HITCH, A RIDE BACK HOME FROM MOSKVITCH
WE HAD TO STAY & FACE THE COST & SUNBATHE IN THE RUSSIAN FROST

[Chorus:]

One one one ONE NIGHT IN MOSCOW, & WE'LL BE RUSSIAN HOME
One one one ONE NIGHT IN MOSCOW
I'll be Russian, YOU'LL BE RUSSIAN, WE'LL ALL BE RUSSIAN HOME

The brochure said it's nice & warm, you need no Russian uniform
We had the flu & caught a Russian cough,
No fish n'chips or decent pubs, We called the hotel Wormwood Scrubs
We said we would complain to Gorbochof

WE COULDN'T FIND A DISCO ANYWHERE, NO McDONALDS OR A WIMPY IN RED SQUARE
WE MUST HAVE BEEN POTTY TO HAVE GONE TO THE SOVIET UNION
[Chorus]

For a pint & Coronation Street
RUSSIAN HOME
A Bacon Sarny & as much as we can eat
RUSSIAN HOME
[Guitar Bit]