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Everyone in this room has been associated with Whitey either through basketball or the mall or various odd jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar And I'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in Whitey's face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or sister or shortness when he wasn't looking But the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to smile and wave at you and ask you about your mother's operation or something like that because he, unlike us, actually cares about someone other than himself
The reason I bring this up to you is because I was the worst offender of all My life was simply going nowhere Then a tiny little man rushed to my side He should've gotten a big thank you Instead he got a Porta-Potti ride
I was such a s***head But he never quit on me 'Til I told him he was useless And his sister was freaky Once when we were watching Sunday football A fuzzy screen was all that we could see Whitey came over with a hanger And spent the game atop our T.V.
And when the lightning struck him He let out a wicked, loud yell But we just turned up the volume And ignored the burning smell We should all rot in hell
I went to high school with Whitey As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom When he got there, I said: "I can't believe you though I was serious." So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his Mom
What a crushing blow to Whitey I bet you wish you could take it back How could you all be so mean to Whitey? Sounds to me like you are all on crack Tonight Whitey was counting on this town to show that we care But the first time he really needed us we weren't there
And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Chanukah It's just not fair ["um, biddy, bum" repeatedly]
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