[typing sounds]
Dr Stewart: Hi, [I'm] Dr Stewart
Gary Phelps: Hi, Dr Stewart Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps
Dr Stewart: My pleasure Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
Gary Phelps: No, I haven't I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh,
I --
Dr Stewart: All right, and you were referred to me by anyone?
Gary Phelps: To be honest with you, I saw your name in the Yellow Pages,
and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a
shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing
Dr Stewart: So smoking is your problem?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's -- it's finally, like,
affecting everything I do, I can't run, I can't play basketball and all
that stuff like that, so I, I gotta give it up
Dr Stewart: How long have you smoked, Gary?
Gary Phelps: Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't
kick it, you know?
Dr Stewart: Yeah, right [small, barely noticeable fart] All right,
Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax --
what I do is hypnosis
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let
yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel
comfortable and trust me
[bigger fart]
Gary Phelps: [noticing fart sound] Uh
Dr Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: O-kay
Dr Stewart: That's it
Gary Phelps: That waso-kay
Dr Stewart: All right? Okay Gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I
just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing Okay?
That's it Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero --
Gary Phelps: Right
Dr Stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall
into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- you're very
comfortable, I'll be counting back from five, I just want you
to relax, and just think of nothing
[three farts in succession]
Gary Phelps: Are you gonna keep doing that, or?
Dr Stewart: Hmm? Just concentrate now That's it Close your eyes Keep
your eyes closed Okay Now We're very comfortable Five [small fart],
we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable and nothing's
bothering us Okay When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you're
sinking, you're sinking, [medium fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my godthat was, uhare you gonna keep doing that?
Dr Stewart: Please just try to relax; that wasn't me Okay You're very
stressed -- you're very stressed Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're
relaxing, you're very comfortable, you're very, very soothed Okay
Four, three[fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my dear god, siruh, I can't
Dr Stewart: That was the couch I know it sounded like -- it's -- the
vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate Okay And
we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us, nothing
bothers us -- [several farts]
Gary Phelps: Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? I'm just
having a tough time concentrating --
Dr Stewart: Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're
relaxing [fart and cough together] three, two, two --
Gary Phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing
that I can't concentrate when you're doing that
Dr Stewart: This is what I do It's a counting-down thing We're
relaxing now Just relax -- let it go, don't focus on anything else,
just concentrate on what we're doing here Three, two, relax, relax,
that's it, just relax [fart], we're relaxing now --
Gary Phelps: Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was -- it's getting a
little irritating --
Dr Stewart: Hang on just a second here Let me just step out a second
here
Gary Phelps: That'd be good
Dr Stewart: All right, and we're relaxing, as I leave, we're relaxing,
still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
Gary Phelps: JesusOh my God
Dr Stewart: We're relaxing
Gary Phelps: [trying hard not to laugh]
Dr Stewart: Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down,
we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air
Freshness Breathing in Breathing in deep, letting
out [fart]
Gary Phelps: Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out' But
okay, okay, fine, thank you
Dr Stewart: That's it, you're all right, everything's good All right,
you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair, we're
relaxing, one [long fart], and we're coming down to zero
and --
Gary Phelps: Oh my god, uhyes, all right, it was nothing
Dr Stewart: No, no, that time that was you
Gary Phelps: That wasn't me!
Dr Stewart: We're not here to pick sides, we're not here to pick sides,
that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but
right now we're dealing with the smoking, and, um, let's not worry about
anything else that's going down --
Gary Phelps: OK, I've just gotta kick this habit
Dr Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we're going to feel very fresh
[fart], we're going to feel very healthy [fart], and let's take a nice,
deep breath --
Gary Phelps: I can't breathe, sir, uh, I'm sorry, I just -- ["squirty"
fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food --
Dr Stewart: All right, we're relaxing -- that one probably squirted out
a little into the pants, but we'll just continue with thte floating
[fart] -- yeah, that was definitely a squirt -- but here we go, one,
zero, we are under Are you relaxed?
Gary Phelps: Yeah, I'm under, I guess
Dr Stewart: Here we go, relaxing, relaxing You're under a deep trance,
you will not smoke anymore, you will just feel healthy from now on, and
you'll be breathing in nothing but fresh air, and you will not smell
anything in this room, it wasn't me, it wasn't me farting [fart] -- that
was not me --
Gary Phelps: [hysterically laughing under his breath] You're gonna have
to stop doing that, sir It's just very hard for me to listen to you
when you're --
Dr Stewart: You're floating now, you're high above, you're looking
down, nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
Gary Phelps: Oh man
Dr Stewart: -- that was you,
Gary Phelps: That was not me, sir! I'm watching you!
Dr Stewart: That was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember
any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, don't worry,
she gets it all the time All right -- you smell nothing; I'm perfectly
clean I have no bad gas; it was all from outside or from -- from -- you
yourself And let's not forget the smoking thing that's why you're here
No smoking Repeat after me: I am a smelly pig
Gary Phelps: What?
Dr Stewart: All right, we're moving along, and we;'re relaxed [fart]
All right, and now we're going to count back up, up one to five,
Gary Phelps: OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don't want to
smoke
Dr Stewart: Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five, you will
snap out of this, and you won't remember this, especially the smell, the
smell was from you All right? And here we go Zero, we're coming out of
it, you're waking up slowly, your eyes are opening, one, you're feeling
good, and when you wake up, you'll feel wide awake and perfect you'll
feel whole and [fart] all-righty, I ripped that one out there and I
apologize I ripped a good one there That was a nice out
Gary Phelps: That was not nice
Dr Stewart: Here we go, and, we're coming right [fart]
Gary Phelps: What was that?
Dr Stewart: That was three
Gary Phelps: It didn't sound like three
Dr Stewart: three, I'm counting, and four, it's no smell in here, and
you don't smoke, you don't want a cigarette, no, and here we go [fart]
five, and -- [snap] Do you want a cigarette?
Gary Phelps: No I don't
Dr Stewart: Then my job is done
Gary Phelps: [bursts into laughter]
Dr Stewart: [fart] Please leave the door open as you leave [fart]
Gary Phelps: OK, thank you, Doctor