I wake up every morning
6 o'clock I'm right on time
I eat a lowfat breakfast
I tie a perfect tie

I kiss the wife
I hug the kids
I pet the dogs and cat
I never lose anything, my car keys or my hat

Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year

I never cheat at finals
Or miss a day at school
My urine tests are perfect
My prostate is a jewel

Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year

I'm never ever jealous
I'm never ever cruel
I'm a graduate of Harvard
Where I never broke the rules

The Queen made me a knight
The Pope made me a saint
The President plays golf with me
I made Madonna faint

So why am I so lonely?
Depressed and in despair?
If I pull this trigger in my mouth
Will anybody care?

It was the greatest funeral
I lied in perfect state
And later I will meet the Lord
I bet he just can't wait

To meet the man of the year
The man of the year
The man of the year
I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man