BARBER: I wanted to be a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia The Giant Redwood The Larch The Fir! T...

Sailing Away, Sailing Away It's fun to charter an accountant And sail the wild accountancy To find, explore, the funds offshore and scourge the sholls of bankr...

It's fun to charter an accountant And sail the wide accountancy To find, explore the funds offshore And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy It can be manly in insur...

All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp th...

All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat, All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp t...

Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a ...

Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a ...

I'd like to have an argument, please Certainly, sir Have you been here before? No, this is my first time I see Well, were you thinking of taking a five minute a...

If you want to leave a message after the tone Then speak clearly and I'll call you when I'm home Just say your words and say your name Leave the time and date y...

Voice Over: And so, Inspector Zatapathique, the forensic expert from the Monaco Murder Squad, sings his song 'Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bong' (hushed, low-toned choir...

Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from camelot he was not afraid to die,ohh brave Sir Robin he was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave brave br...

Bravely bold Sir Robin Rode forth from Camelot He was not afraid to die, Oh brave Sir Robin He was not at all afraid To be killed in nasty ways Brave, brave, br...

Brian the babe they called Brian Grew grew, grew, and grew, Grew up to be, Grew up to be, A boy called Brian A boy called Brian He had arms and legs and hands ...

Brianthe babe they called Brian, Grewgrew, grew and grew, Grew up to be, Grew up to be, A boy called Brian, A boy called Brian He had arms, and legs, and hands,...

Immanuel Kant was a real puissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out ...

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out-c...

Good Morning Morning, sir Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium Ah, thank you, my good man What can I do for you, sir? Well, I was sitting in the public libr...

Spoken: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT'S TRULY A REAL HONORABLE EXPERIENCE TO BE HERE THIS EVENING A VERY WONDERFUL AND WARM AND EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR ALL...

Down in an english fair, one evening I was there When I heard a showman shouting underneath the flair I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts There they are a'stan...

Intro: Right ho, darling Yeh, be home (spoken) about 8:30 No, no I'll go on a bike Verse: Beethoven's gone but his music lives on, And Mozart don't go shoppin...

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Galloping through the sward Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore And his horse Concorde He steals from the rich And gives to the poor Mr Moore,...

D what John? Come again do what? Do what John? Do what John? D what? Do what? Do where John? Do where John? Why, what, wiv whom and when? Triffic, really triffi...

A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four (Spoken): Half-a-bee, philosophically Must ipso-facto half not-be But half the bee, has got to bee Vis-a-vis its entity ...

There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists, There are Hindus and Mormons and then, There are those that follow Mohammed, But I've never been one of them ...

I can see a bare-bottomed mandril Slyly eyeing his upper nostril Ih he jumps inside there too I really won't know what to do I'll be a proud possessor of a kind...

Chorus: Finland, Finland, Finland The country where I want to be, Pony trekking or camping, Or just watching TV Finland, Finland, Finland, It's the country for ...

And now i want to turn you to Sumeria,787 (music begins) (Horn Blows) Hello? Hello?! Hello? Who is it? It Is King Arthur and these are my knights of the round t...

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs Brown, And things seem hard or tough, And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft, And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o...

Henry Kissenger How I'm missing yer, You're the doctor of my dreams With your crinkly hair And your glassy stare And your Machiavellian schemes I know they say ...

Henry Kissinger How I'm missing yer You're the Doctor of my dreams With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare And your machiavellian schemes I know they say t...

Here comes another one Here it comes again Here comes another one When will it ever end? I know whatever it is I've not seen one before But here comes another ...

He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! ...

(Chorus) Ho ho fucking ho, What a crock o' shit, We all work for Santa Claus, We've had enough, we quit Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the sh...

Ho, ho f**kin' ho, What a crock o' s**t! We all work for Santa Claus, We've 'ad enough, we quit! We do all the f**kin' work, While 'ee stars in the show! Stick...

Ho ho fucking ho, what a crock of shit We all work for Santa Claus, we've had enough, we quit 'Cause we do all the fucking work while he stars in the show Stick...

Ich bin ein Holzfller und fhl mich stark Ich schlaf des Nachts und hack am Tag Er ist ein Holzfller und fhlt sich stark Er schlaft des Nachts und hackt am Tag I...

I bet they won't play this song on the radio I bet you they won't play this new (bleep) song It's not that it's (bleep) or (bleep) controversial Just that the (...

I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they won't play this new $%^& song It's not that it's %$(* or #$*&^&* controversial It's just that t...

I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they won't play this new $%^& song It's not that it's %$(* or #$*&^&* controversial It's just that t...

The world to day seems absolutly crackers with nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high there's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger Its depressing, and its sen...

Spoken: The world today seems absolutely crackers With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high There are fools and idiots sitting on the trigger It's depressing, ...

I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, No matter where they've been I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, I like traffic l...

I'm so worried about what's happening today, In the Middle East, you know And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval System they've got at Heathrow I'm so w...

Down at an English fair, One evening I was there, When I heard a showman shouting Underneath the flare: Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts There they are ...

PROF JONES: Good evening One of the main elements in any assessment of the medieval open-field farming system is the availability of plough teams for the winter...

I'm a Lumberjack SOURCE: Bob Pfeffer SOURCE'S SOURCE: Monty Python's Flying Circus COMMENTS: TEXT: D G6 I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK ...

Eric: Well, now it's talent spotting time, ladies and gentlemen, and please see if you can spot any talent in our next competitors Will you please give a very b...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, It's divine to own a dick From the tiniest little ...

I've got two legs from my hips to the ground And when I move them they walk around When I lift them they climb the stairs And when I shave them they ain't got h...

And did those feet in ancient times Wark upon Engrand's mountains gleen? And was the Hory Ramb of God On Engrand's preasant pastules seen? And did the Countena...

We're Knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er we're able We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham ...

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day I cut do...

Why are we here? What's life all about? Is God really real, or is there some doubt? Well, tonight, we're going to sort it all out, For, tonight, it's 'The Meani...

Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June I...

Announcer: And next the men of the Second Armoured Division regale us with their famous close order swanning about Sergeant: Squad Camp it up! (chanting like...

I've got, Ninety thousand pounds in my pyjamas, I've got forty thousand French francs in my fridge, I've got lots of lovely lire, Now the Deutschmark's getting...

Never be rude to an Arab, An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew, Never be rude to an Irishman, No matter what you do Never poke fun at a Nigger, A Spik, or a Wop, or a K...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick, From the tiniest little ...

O Lord, please don't burn us, Don't grill us or toast your flock, Don't put us on a barbecue, Or simmer us in stock, Don't braise us or bake or boil us, Or stir...

Never be rude to an Arab, An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew, Never be rude to an Irishman, No matter what you do Never poke fun at a Nigger, A Spik, or a Wop, or a K...

O Lord please don't burn us, don't grill or toast your flock Don't put us on the barbecue, or simmer us in stock Don't braise or bake or boil us or stir fry us ...

O Lord, please don't burn us Don't grill or toast Your flock Don't put us on the barbecue Or simmer us in stock Don't braise or bake or boil us Or stir-fry us i...

SPOKEN: THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT KING CHARLES I IS THAT HE WAS 5'6" TALL AT THE START OF HIS REIGN, BUT ONLY 4'8" AT THE END OF IT BECAUSE OF Oliver Cr...

INTRO: Good evening ladies and gentlemen Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, Isn't it fright...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick From the tiniest little tad...

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE'S A LITTLE NUMBER I TOSSED OFF RECENTLY IN THE CARIBBEAN Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, Isn't it frightfully go...

Eric: Well, now ladies and gentlemen it's talent-spotting time Please put your hands together for a very big warm welcome please to Raymond Scum! Neil: Uh(tune...

I want another slice of rhubarb tart I want another lovely slice I'm not disparaging the blueberry pie But rhubarb tart is oh-so-very nice A rhubarb what? A rh...

(Rhythm combo starts up out of vision and Sgt Duckie sings This is all part of the Policevision Pan-European song contest, of course Superimposed caption on scr...

bravely bold sir robin rode forth from camelot he was not afraid to die oh brave sir robin he was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways brave brave brave...

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too I love to hear you o-ra-lise When I'm between your thighs You blow...

Lovely spam, wonderful spa-a-m, Lovely spam, wonderful S Spam, Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am, Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am, SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM, SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM, LOVELY SPAM, LOVE...

Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam! Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am Lovely Spaaam! (Lov...

Customer: Morning, Waitress: Morning Customer: What have you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon, egg sausage and bacon Egg and spam Egg, bacon and sp...

I can see a bare-bottomed mandrill Slyly eyeing his upper nostril If he jumps inside there too I really won't know what to do I'll be a proud possessor of a kin...

I'm a lumberjack And I'm ok I sleep all night and I work all day (He's a lumberjack And he's ok He sleeps all night and he works all day) I cut down trees I ea...

(Spoken): Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it fri...

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word fuck Out of all of the English words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is...

I like Traffic lights (3x) No matter where they've been I like Traffic Lights (5x) But only when they're green He likes traffic lights(3x) No matter where they...

Intro: AND NOW MR TERRY GILLIAM WILL SING FOR YOU "I'VE GOT TWO LEGS" I've got two legs from my hips to the ground And when I move them they walk around And whe...

We love the Yangtse, Yangtse Kiang Flowing from Yushu down Ching Kiang Passing through Chung King, Wuhan and Hoo Kow Three thousand miles, but it gets there som...