Delilah the dancer from Soho Was making her way down the lane Simpson from Harrow Had fruit on his barrow He sold it for love and for gain Simpson said, "Hello...

when faced with a hinderance the brave mountainier turns and walks back into the wind but my hesitation in strange hemisphere makes me quit before I begin intr...

are we rolling? here we go then and 1,2, 3 2, 2, 3 a boy was born to Jack and Marge In 1951 and what is love, is love, is love and what is done, is done the ba...

Wrap yourself in silver paper put a sandbag on your head Crawl inside your fall-out shelter underneath your garden shed Boil an egg, have a cuddle, cut your toe...

I've done a lot of things I wished I hadn't There's other things I never hope to do But sliding off the map in both directions Is the sorry mess i've made of kn...

(spoken) good evening i'm from essex in case you couldn't tell my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay and I'm doing very well had a love affair with ...

Hello, playmates Here's a little London song All about a young man's adventures in the big city Here we go Billy Bentley, go to London early in the day Half a ...

I'm and Irish cripple, a Scottish jew I'm the blackmail man A raspberry ripple, a buckle-my-shoe I'm the blackmail man I'm a dead fish coon, a pikey Greek I'm t...

You must have seen parties of Blockheads With blotched and lagered skin Blockheads with food particles in their teeth What a horrible state they're in They've ...

Share a good occasion Hold the darkness in Bear away abrasion Free from broken skin No pride is there to steal Wounds that never heal So close and there to wan...

Our Father, Who art in Hendon Harrow Road be Thy name Thy Kingston come Thy Wimbledon In Erith as it is in Hendon Give us this day our Berkhampstead And forgive...

I'm here to find out what makes you tick I'm here to discover the secret you I intend to reveal you're crooked and sick I don't give a damn if none of it's true...

If you're cold, well here's a plan: Pull the plug out of your fan If you're hot, now here's a scheme: Park your botty in the stream If you're tired, check this ...

just cos I ain't never "?ad, no, nothing worth having never ever, never ever you ain't got no call not to think I wouldn't fall into thinking that I ain't too c...

They say it's tough out there and that's for sure You pay your way twice over if not more They say that's the proce of fame, and now you've made your name Your ...

I could give her the respect she deserves But I can't cos I'm crippled with nerves Just to take in my arms, hold her tight But I'm sorry, I'm shaking with frigh...

*Moo!* I'm D'Orine the Cow, Tom the Bull's better half My daughter's called Daisy, she's a very nice calf When I'm all finished milking and chewing the cud Mr ...

Hey, with your natty threads and your nifty dreads And your Dagenham royal swagger With your tricky spiels and your Cuban heels And the face of a carpet-bagger ...

Oh, let's get up and let's get excited It's a public party and you're all invited Let's cut the custard, see the mustard Please hold steady till we're maladjust...

So i'm screaming this to you -waaaaaaagh- From thr last place in the queue -waaah-, -waaah- I really think you'd liek me given half a chance But since we ain't...

Be-ah bickey ba bo-bo-bo I got a gal that I love so Delusions of grandeur, delusions of grandeur I'm a dedicated follower of my own success I can handle the gl...

Here I stand With a doughnut for a brain On my life, I must see you again I should think that's made it very plain Is it his Is it his or is it ain't? Don't as...

(spoken intro) This one's for Julie, who we love I love her almost as I do Alma But we don't do Alma no more It's called ‘England's Glory' if you wanna sing Pl...

Father's very noisy with his vines Says "there all the same, it makes you sick"? Need a bleeding boot up their behinds That would bloody shift them double quick...

Fly in the ointment Stain on the character Dust on the wainscot Hair on the gate Bee in the bonnet Ash on the waistcoat Flake on the shoulder Crack in the plat...

Winnie The Pooh is having a wank "And what are you up to?"? said Tommy the Tank Peter the Rabbit is at it as well And all the young pixies in Dingelydell Singi...

Moments of sadness, moments of guilt Stains on the memory, stains on the quilt Chapter of incident, chapter and verse Sub-heading chronic, paragraph worse Lost...

I'll take you to the pictures I'll take you to the show Walking in the sunshine Rolling in the snow Stepping from the threshold Out into the street All you ough...

Although I nearly broke my neck trying to break the ice I think you're very nice Let's go and have a drink What'd you think? Throw a six and go to jail Althoug...

I'm in love with the person in the sandwich centre If she didn't exist I'd have to invent her There isn't any secret to my frequent visits It's the way she make...

girls watching beach balling party hearty movie groovy going places seeing faces driving cars going to bars drinking wine feeling fine having fun 'till day is ...

I'm hanging up my hang-ups Ere I turn into a blank automoton You won't find me on the treadmill You can tell "?em Willy boy has been and gone Yes mogadon time's...

Gotta sign the rent book Gotta do the laundry Then there's the electric The water and the gas Haven't stopped moaning Since we had the phone in The television r...

Heavy living is the life that i've lead seeing saylight througha curtain of red stands to reason why i'm staying in bed heavey living off the top of my head he...

(spoken) What's all this spunk on the duckboards? Come on Lawrence come on Lawrence Let's go out and have a prayer meeting Take a chance with our new shotgun H...

In the deserts of Sudan And the gardens of Japan From Milan to Yucatan Every woman, every man Hit me with your rhythm stick Hit me! Hit me! Je t'adore, ich lie...

In the deserts of Sudan, And the gardes of Japan From Milan to Yakatan Every woman's every man Hit me with your rythym stick, hit me, hit me Je t'adore, Ich ni...

Exploring every avenue of love on the honeysuckle highway Eschewing every vestige of regret we gaily slip along Displaying all the evidence of mirth on the daff...

Huffety Puff didn't love you enough Was it nice and slow or a little bit rough? Amazing me when you do your stuff You're so kind and I'm so tough when the race...

I could lie before I could talk run away before I could walk I could cheat before I could play I was gone before I could stay I could curse before I could cry ...

I made mary cry in a lonley bus shelter I put in my laundry tongs in the back of her leg severed a hamstring in the lonley bus shelter I payed no attention but...

(spoken introductions) I'm Charley, you know I'm Norman pleased to meet you I'm Mickey, hello Wilko I'm Johnny, how are you doing Harry? My name is David And I...

I'm partial to your abracadabra I'm raptured by the joy of it all So stop me where you start The cockles of his heart The panties sends it right up the wall Pl...

If I was with a woman she'd wonder what was happening Little things would slowly go askew If I was with a woman I'd make her quite unhappy "?Specially when she ...

You think it's cool to make me wait with baited breath for what you say You think it's cool to be the overlord of all that you survey You think it's clever bein...

I took out all the seats and away I went it's a right old banger and the chassis' bent it's got a great big peace sign across the back and most of the windos ha...

What did you learn at school today? Jack shit The minute the teacher turns away That's it How many times were you truly intrigued? Not any Is boredom a symptom ...

I went and changed a pound for the Underground The Bakerloo northbound cos I fancied coming round The Bakerloo northbound cos you fancied coming round? Hmm, the...

your eyes are focused on a screen of your own choosing your mind is busy with distractions of it's own my imminent departure is the flavour of the evening you l...

Looking for Harry Looking for Harry Looking for Harry Looking for Harry Looking for Harry Have you seen him around? The minute I find him I'm going to unwind h...

When ecstasy ennobled our first kiss I fell into an agony of bliss I've never heard a person talk like this I hope you don't think you can take the piss The ex...

Go to sleep now francies You've done all you can with the day Safe and sound now, that's a promise Your'll be welcome in the milky way Tumble down, tired and t...

The mind is a very precious flower That finds itself a strand amongst the weeds The cause and effect, is what you might expect And going round the bend is where...

He's got his little Y-fronts and his got his little vest He's got his little parting in his hair He's got his little trousers and he's got his little shoes And ...

Robbed R Pearson's paper, Lauren spent his half Ricky loves a kicking and he wants to join the guards Barry breaks the windows of his broken home Have a guess H...

There's no such thing as heart-ache Tomorrow you'll be gone There's no such thing as yesterday The memory lingers on There's no such thing as thank you When no-...

Fresh mist on the morning and tears in my eyes I'm back for the dawning of Donegal skies My life in the city seems light years away When I see the Blue Mountain...

OI, rotten hat Where'd you get that hair-cut Brent Cross Shopping Centre? I bet your mother feeds you with a catapult Oh, Mr Sound Nasty A bit of give and take...

One looks for happiness One longs to find a partner One knows that nowadays One love will be the answer One sees a crazy world One needs a fresh perspective On...

When me and Pam Are hand in hand We make a lovely pair But when we fight Her awful spite Is more than I can bear she gives me the business, I loose all self co...

New digs and prospects of a job New digs and prospects Have I been half interested "?till now? Breath and armpits stink For Christ's sake please stay sweet The...

Who's got the toughest brush with the sweetest strokes at the Royal Academy for Jack-the-lademy? Mr Blake is the actual bloke at the Royal College of Useful Kno...

arseholes, bastards fucking cunts and pricks aerosole, the bricks a lawless brat from a council flat oh, oh a little bit of this and a little bit of that oh, o...

I took a sudden notion To go down to the ocean I'd got my sun-tan lotion My flippers and my mask In proper distribution Of fully-formed ablutions Formed an oce...

I'm Joey the Budgie, I'm a boy or a girl I'm probably the most typical caged bird in the world In Cranham or Hounslow I sit on my perch Old Mother Nature's left...

My mother's heart and soul Have gone halfway up the pole My father's on the dole This is taking its toll My friend Bert is much too old And his dog's beyond con...

Give me the quick quick slow Give me the quick quick slow Give me the quick quick slow Give me the quick quick slow Give me the quick quick slow Get there befo...

Excuse me, Excuse me Get right out of the way Quiet! (flop-flops) I'm sorry, Beg your pardon The fault's entirely yours Quiet! (Big Chops) Your Highness Your ...

In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick South Street Romford, shopping arcade Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid Inside my jacket and away double quick Goo...

Although you think I'm sleeping as you get set to leave I can see your shadow packing from underneath my sleeve I swore I'd never live without your constant com...

Why don't you get back into bed Why don't you get back into bed Why don't you get back into bed Why don't you get back into bed Why don't you get back into bed ...

"dear Parrot, i love you so deeply and true" said Reggie destroyed and upset "dear Cuddles, my darling, oh what shall i do?" said Dinky, your kinky love-pet "d...

Rough kids play rough games and kick tin-cans They walk in certain style Rough kids shout rude names and write slogans They leave thier feet out in the aisle R...

Sex and drugs and rock and roll Is all my brain and body need Sex and drugs and rock and roll Are very good indeed Keep your silly ways or throw them out the w...

I've got the feeling but I ain't got the skill And I don't like your suggestion Will you still love me when I'm over the hill Is another stupid question Don't ...

I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus I'm spasticus autisticus I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus I'm spasticus autisticus I'm spasticus, I'm spasticus I'm spasticus autisticu...

Till I met her, I thought I knew the answers I thought a bit of treatment was all a body needs I'll take you where the haps are All the handsome chaps are Squee...

blue gene baby skinny white sailor, the chances were slender the beauties were breif shall I mourn you decline with some thunderbird wine and a black hankerche...

To be simple and wise Never tell lies Always pick on someone my own size Would be quite a thing And when I make it swing I'll write you a letter or I'll give yo...

Thank you, mum Your rascal son Has seen the error of his ways I stole your purse and smashed the crocks You done my trousers washed my socks Dragged me screamin...

Here comes the postman - letters in his sack Dear Auntie Mary, we'd love to have you back Here come the letters through the letterbox Poor Georgina has caught t...

While these minutes of no good Bloody slowly drift away It's you that comes to help him now That's not all he wants to say Tomorrow And Tomorrow Tomorrow And T...

The foot picks steps with leisured dread Receives instructions from your head It's the body song It's the body song The leg, a source of much delight Which ca...

The squirrel gather nuts in May And he shuts his nuts away There's a quick brown fox In the hollyhocks A vixen in the mood to play Well The badger don't care R...

Woke up this morning in a state of shock I heard a mumble rumble and a cocktail rock ???? beat like a slide trombone Goddess Diana plicking all alone It's the ...

When we were simple and na??ve We wore our feelings on our sleeve As we've grown jaded and corrupt Our manner's guarded and abrupt Oh, how we'd smile most read...

Shaken on her shoulder, shaking on her arse Ain't no doubt about it she's a gamey lass Jerking with her elbow, clever with her knee Way she move it over, that's...

The sky's the limit The sky's the limit The sky's the limit The sky's the limit Oi, grandad, here's lead in your pencil Hey, Granny here's mud in your eye Don'...

Noel Coward was a charmer As a writer he was brahma Velvet jackets and pyjamas, "the gay divorce" and other dramas There ain't half been some clever bastards (...

(spoken) Morning Reg, meat and two veg? He done him with a ten-pound sledge, he done himself a favour Crash! Forty-year old housewife Mrs Elizabeth Walk of La...

Trust is a must Trust is a must Trust is a must You must have trust Trust is a must Trust is a must Trust is a must You must have trust Beans in your jeans Be...

she put on the light in the middle of the night the wet stuff's here let's go I grabbed a sock and called the doc he told me don't be slow I got down there with...

Two old dogs without a name Trucking down the road to glory Seeking not to blaze in fame But to leave a blazing story Being roadies is their game Rough of trou...

fa la la la la The war cry of the raging drunken sot That sends un-welcome pains right up your bot It bellows forth from coperate windows all night long mucks u...

Bankrupt the banks Withhold hold the rent Shitters are a wank And the landlord's bent It's time that the ladies kept quiet No it ain't Open up the nicks Close ...

When I was fifteen I had a black crepe jacket and sideboards to my chin I used to go around in a two-tone Zephyr with a mean and nasty grin Twelve-inch bottoms ...

You could say I like it here With my mouth right in your ear What a lovely atmosphere It's very personal You might say it's where it's at On the sofa in your f...

if you want to wait wait for me if you want to wait wait for me if you want to wait wait for me i said wait for me i said wait for me i said wait for me if yo...

Waiting for your taxi Which taxi never comes Waiting for your taxi Waiting for your taxi Which taxi never comes Waiting for your taxi Waiting for your taxi Wh...

I come awake with the gift for womankind you're still alseep but the gift don't seem to mind rise on this occation halfway up your back sliding down your body t...