Hello! I'm your true switch from Athens, GA
Goin' to protests, high fivin' the gays
I'm a single white ant and on any given day
May have a tendency towards homosexualit-ay
Hay, hay, hay
I'm an F-A-G-E-T-T-E
Twinkle toes, witness row
Got double X's and rows
Got gender troubles and loads
I need a man that can handle what's underneath these clothes
Cuz I got a V to the A-G-I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S envay
Cuz for real-do, I got a dildo
I got 2 dildos, I got 3 dildos!
Now it takes 2 to felatio
But only 1 to tango
You know I mean business when I pop in Luther Vandross
I'm an equal opportunity lover
I like the boys, the girls, the others
"LQBTQILMNOP?"
Hell apples and oranges, they're all fruits to me!
I like 'em big, I like 'em small
I like 'em tall, I like RuPaul
I like RuPaul, I like RuPaul, I like RuPaul, I like RuPaul!
So here's to the girls with the chubby chu
Now here's to the boys: ain't got no butts!
The sexy nerds, the freaks
The butches and the geeks
The bears and S&Ms and the femme lesbians!
I'm a pansexual, got my hands on the menu
I'm a smooth Jew, a bar mitzvah party animal!
I'm an F-A-G-E-T-T-E
Twinkle toes, witness row
Got double X's and rows
Got gender troubles and loads
I need a man that can handle what's underneath these clothes
("Why?")
Cuz I got a V to the A-G-I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S envay
Cuz for real-do, I got a dildo
I got 2 dildos, I got 3 dildos!
Have you heard? I'm speakin' the good word
There's been rumors that I tutored Miss Cleo 'bout the future
Yeah you remember her, the fortune teller from TV
299 a minute for a little ESP
She said 'Team Gina gonna dance you sweaty'
She said 'The Athens Boys Choir is just one little fairy'
Wah, wah, wah
But I don't stop believin', hold on to this feelin'
See I keep dreaming of my posters on ceilings
An independent artist being reviewed
In like, Dynamite magazine
We'd rap back like slap bracelets, or go back to the 80's
Like before Kurt Cameron went fundamentalist and we all still wanted to have his babies
And Doogie Howser was like the smartest guy we know
We were all cucoo for cocoa and had no idea about a TV like Logo
We were all Reaganomics and synthesized beats
Doing the Running Man, we rocked pumps on our feets
And all those dances, I can never get it
So I step back, cuz the only slide I know is electric
Boogie woogie woogie woogie
I'm an F-A-G-E-T-T-E
Twinkle toes, witness row
Got double X's and rows
Got gender troubles and loads
I need a man that can handle what's underneath these clothes
Cuz I got a V to the A-G-I-N-A
But no P-E-N-I-S envay
Cuz for real-do, I got a dildo
I got 2 dildos, I got 3 dildos!
So you can pick one that's just your size
If not we'll go buy one that fits just right
We're all one love, two love
Menage-a-trois
Saying queer love, het love
Whatevaaah!