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[Slug] If I was a rich man I'd buy you some shoes Tall boots for all the dirt you walk through What would that do? Enable you to deal Without schooling you on how to touch what's real And if I was a smart man I'd tell you everything that I knew And give it to you every time you need a talking to But what would that do? Teach you my guidelines So you can be a cheerleader at your game on the sidelines And if I was a driver I'd keep my headlights on To see the difference between right and wrong I'd wear my seatbelt even when I'm in park Cause I don't trust the other fools that cruise through these parts And if I was a better cook I'd hook up a feast Set a table full of food for the children to eat I encourage the nourishment so we can breathe With the knowledge that we got something accomplished
Chorus: And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause Wouldn't expect nothing in return I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need So you can take my hand and I can take the lead
And if I was an honest man I would stop writing songs I'd break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music It ain't nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess) And if I was you, I wouldn't hear a word I said Wouldn't trust nothing to start it up inside my head I'd make a conscious effort to live instead Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed And if I was a hurt man I'd find a way to put my faith Into a woman that could take me from today Maybe I need somebody that could save me From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy And if I was a wise man I'd climb to the top of the mountain peak To think about strength versus weakness I'd find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head And figure out how I could try to help you reach it (Ho ho ho) And if I did have a choice I'd never want to live forever Just let me have a voice so I can make my points I can't imagine running a race with no finish line Just let me keep my pace and make to most of my time I love giving but I'm bad at receiving The truth is, I'd prefer to be the one bleeding But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt Which brings me to the issue And that would be this: How often must I ask myself why I exist? I feel like a freak, this world is a circus Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose
Chorus: And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause Wouldn't expect nothing in return I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need And you can take my hand and I can take the lead (2x)
I got nothing but gifts Keep it up in my wits Got me drunk on the fifth And now we're stuck in a ditch And as dumb as it gets I'mma run you some fibs (?) I wanna touch your lips I wanna rub your hips Put a glove on the fist For the love that exists We'll keep bumping the hits To get my bucket of chips From the Bloods and the Crips To the skateboarding chicks Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist (2x) (Ho ho ho ho)
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