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Gaston: Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston! LeFou: Heh heh. Darn right. Gaston: Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear. LeFou: More beer? Gaston: What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced. LeFou: Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.
LeFou: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
LeFou and Chorus: No one's been like Gaston A king pin like Gaston
LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston! Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou: Gaston is the best And the rest is all drips
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston
Beerdrinker 1: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston: That's right! And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Cronies: No one hits like Gaston
Townsman: Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!
Cronies: Ten points for Gaston! Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Cronies: No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Cronies: Say it again Who's a man among men? And then say it once more Who's the hero next door? Who's a super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
LeFou: And his name's G-A-S...T - G-A-S-T - E - G-A-S-T-O - oh! Cronies: Gaston!
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