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The next thing I knew, there was a pain in my head like my sinuses were cracking. The Santa Ana winds had come back, and the whole city of L.A. was acting like it had PMS. I heard high heels on the linoleum floor of the outer office. She came in wearing a pair of clam diggers that had obviously never been to a beach, and a halter top that had been in a dryer for three weeks on high. My contact lenses popped out and went looking for water. She said she'd give me three hundred clams if I helped her find her uncle... "Sure, baby." So I went to her apartment at eight to get a down payment of clams I knocked on her door There was no answer I knocked again, hard this time The door swung ajar..it wasn't a pretty sight It looked like a moonscape The plants were all brown and shriveled and the leaves were falling off her banana fern The Pup and Taco I'd had for lunch was doing lesson three from Arthur Murray I ran to the bathroom, but she was there... Out cold Indiscreet In the flesh In the tub Surrounded by countless empty bottles and jars of skin care lotion She was so slippery I couldn't pick her up I had to slap her around to bring her to Her eyelids fluttered, she looked at me And I saw In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman We spent the next three days raising the humidity in her apartment And then she got a call from the Amazon It was her uncle She didn't even bother to pack the chapstick The next thing I knew she was gone and the smog was back And I can't help but wonder: What made her think I was a detective? In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman
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