I HAD A MAN
HE WAS A GOOD MAN
THAT IS, YOU SEE, WHAT I MEAN IS
I THOUGHT HE WAS A GOOD MAN
I HAD A FRIEND
SHE WAS A GOOD FRIEND
I TOLD MY FRIEND "?BOUT MY MAN "?CAUSE
I THOUGHT SHE WAS A GOOD FRIEND
LIFE WAS SWEET
DIDN'T I HAVE MY MAN?
WORLD COMPLETE
THEN THE FIREWORKS BEGAN
AIN'T GOT NO MAN
AIN'T GOT NO FRIEND
I BET YOU CAN GUESS
JUST EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED
THAT WAS THE END,
THE END OF MY FRIEND,
THE END OF MY MAN,
AND ALMOST THE END OF ME
OH YES, OH YES, I HAD A MAN
OOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO,
THAT IS, YOU SEE, WHAT I MEAN IS
I THOUGHT HE WAS A GOOD MAN
I HAD A FRIEND
I SAID, I HAD A FRIEND
UMM-MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM
I TOLD MY FRIEND "?BOUT MY MAN
"?CAUSE I THOUGHT SHE WAS A GOOD FRIEND
LIFE WAS SWEET
DIDN'T I HAVE MY MAN, MY MAN
WORLD COMPLETE
THEN THE FIREWORKS BEGAN
AIN'T GOT NO MAN
AIN'T GOT NO FRIEND
I BET YOU CAN GUESS
JUST EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED
THAT WAS THE END,
THE END OF MY FRIEND,
THE END OF MY MAN,
AND DARNED NEAR THE END OF ME

Danny Kaye's wife, Sylvia Fine, adapted it to a jive version that was done
in a "Mail Call" program in 1944 by Danny and Dinah:

"TESS'S TORCH SONG - JIVE"?

Dinah: LOVE, IT CAN GET YOU IN THE STRANGEST MESSES
I KNOW YOUR STORY WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE TORCH OF TESS'S:
YOU HAD A GAL
Danny: I SWEAR ME MOMMA, OH WHAT A GAL WAS MARY
Dinah: SHE WAS YOUR BEST GAL
Danny: OH BEAT ME DADDY, WHAT A PAL WAS MARY
Dinah: THAT IS, YOU SEE, WHAT I MEAN IS
YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR BEST GAL
Danny: SHOOT THE BARE FACTS TO ME, FAIRFAX
I HAD A FRIEND
Dinah: OH, JOE, JOE, JOE THE ROCK OF GI-GIBRALTAR
Danny: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND
Dinah: OH, SO-SO-SO SO SWEET AS CHOCOLATE MALTER
Danny: I TOLD MY FRIEND "?BOUT MY GAL
"?CAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!
Dinah: SHOOT THE BROMO TO ME, RAMON
LIFE WAS SWEET
Danny: I WAS A HA-AA-APPY MAN!
Dinah: WORLD COMPLETE
Danny: THEN CAME THE BUST-UP, THEY BUSTED MY TRUST UP
THE FIREWORKS BEGAN
Dinah: YOU LOST YOUR GAL
Danny: OH, LEARNED JACKSON, BLOW THOSE BLUES FOR ME
Dinah: YOU LOST YOUR FRIEND
Danny: OH, MURDER, MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE!
Dinah: I GOT A FEELIN' THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN
Both: THIS WON'T BE THE END -- NO, NO
I'LL FIND A NEW FRIEND -- YES, YES
I'LL FIND A NEW GAL -- HO, HO
THIS WON'T BE THE END OF ME

Both: WELL ZOOT, WELL BOOT, WELL WELL ALL-ROOT
WITH A HEP-A-HEP-A-HEP-A AND A STEP-STEP-STEP
Dinah: GREETINGS, GATE, HOWYA BEEN?
Danny: OH FEELIN' GREAT, GIMME SOME SKIN!
Dinah: LOOKIN' SHARP!
Danny: OH, SHARP AS A HARP!
Dinah: FEELIN' KEEN?
Danny: HEY, KEEN AS A BEAN
Dinah: NO TEARS FOR MARY?
Danny: AS DRY AS A PRAIRIE
Dinah: NO WOE FOR JOE?
Danny: OH NO, NO, NO
Dinah: NO BEATIN' THE GRAY?
Danny: OH NAY, NAY, NAY
Dinah: NO BUSTED TICKER?
Danny: OH, TICKER TICKIN' SLICKER
Dinah: WELL, TOAST ME, MELBA
IS THIS A FACT?
Danny: BEAT ME DADDY --[hand slap]-- AND I'LL HIT YOU BACK!

Both: WELL ZOOT, WELL BOOT, WELL-WELL ALL-ROOT
WITH A HEP-A-HEP-A-HEP-A AND A STEP-STEP-STEP
Danny: HEY, GOOD LOOKIN'!
Dinah: WHAT'SA IS-A COOKIN'?
Danny: FEELIN' GROOVY?
Dinah: GROOVY AS A MOVIE!
Danny: SOFT AND MELLOW?
Dinah: MELLOW AS-A JELLO
Danny: WANNA BE MY CHICKEN?
Dinah: NOW YOU'S A-CLICKIN'!
Danny: NO YAK-YAK?
Dinah: SOLID, JACK!
Danny: WELL, RATION ME SOME PASSION,
PITCH ME SOME WOO
Dinah: ON THE BUTTON, GLUTTON --(kiss)--SMACKEROO!
Danny: WELL, GRILL ME, LAMB CHOP
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
Dinah: CROWD ME, MAMA, "?CAUSE IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Both: WELL ZOOT, WELL BOOT, WELL-WELL ALL-ROOT
WITH A HEP-A-HEP-A-HEP-A AND A STEP-STEP-STEP
(They do a verse of echo-scat, Danny leading)

Both: WELL ZOOT, WELL BOOT, WELL-WELL ALL-ROOT
WITH A HEP-HEP-HEP-HEP-HEP!