Now, I'm a real life cowboy
Just a quiet, humble fella
That's what we're like
Apart from Mike
Yeah, I'm more of a yeller!

Sing songs to pass the evenings
And because it soothes the herd
So they won't stampede
Unless Mike sings lead
And shouts every single word!

(MIKE! )

(Sorry! )

'Cause we're cowboys
Real-life cowboys
Not like the ones you see on your TV
We've never held up banks at all
We're poorly paid
And kinda small
If you still wanna be a cowboy
Stick with me!

On your horse for eighteen hours
And that saddle sore's a curse
Then you feed your horse
And yourself, of course
Though beans just make it worse!

Then you're back driving cattle
That's what being a cowboy means
Moving those beasts from west to east
Sorry, it's the beans!

'Cause we're cowboys
Real-life cowboys
Not like the ones you've seen in the movies
We're not big hunks like that John Wayne
'Cause our horses would complain
If you still wanna be a cowboy
Join us please!

You should be aware
We have some customs that are strange
Like saying 'Howdy! ' not 'Hello'
When you're out here on the range

Never touch a cowboy's hat
Never ride his horse
So what would happen if I took your old mare?
Well, I'd shoot you, of course!

(Fair enough! )

Cowboys,
Real-life cowboys
Not like the ones you see on silver screens
We didn't go out starting fights
'Cause unions fought for our rights
Now Mike will do a solo thanks to beans!

(How was that?)

(It stunk! )

And now my friend, I fear
That the end is drawing near
'Cause we only ruled the range for twenty years!