Started out of necessity
We were so broke and so hungry
In this world of food for cash
Got no choice it's stuff and dash

Now we got that dread disease
Bulging pockets full of cheese
The narcs are at the electric door
I drop the goods right on the floor

[Chorus:]
I'm a kleptomaniac
We're all kleptomaniacs
Never ever give it back
Hey asshole what you looking at
(Steal or starve is where it's at)

Franco's got a special coat
Stole enough juice to fill a moat
Al's ripping off some smokes
Reshelving those half empty cokes

Cruise the aisles and pocket goods
They'd jail us if they only could
Get the cashier's dirty looks
She knows we're all a bunch of crooks

[Chorus]

Your inventory's short at Hughes
Cala Foods is paying dues
Safeway's filing Chapter Eleven
I pray we don't gotta rip off heaven

We ain't telling you what to do
Just saying what we been through
Don't come crying to us for bail
When they drag your ass on down to jail

[Chorus]