Behind the counter stood on crutches made of wood
A one-legged girl with blue-grey eyes, warm and wise
I fled from that place and from that lovely face
That the one-legged girl stole my heart and I need help

Cold November morning, buried under trees
I would stay here all day long except I have to eat
Crack the woods, crack them open both with shovels and yells
Got to find little people, got to ask for their help
And I tell them

If I could run fast, as fast as the Flash
Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness
If I were a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,
Stronger than the Thing then I could win the one-legged girl

Getting close to nighttime, running out of steam
By now I know my family’s looking and they’ll know right where I’ll be
Spy the eyes in the twilight, small and bright, warm and wise
Little hats, little fingers, and a flask full of wine
And I’d tell them

If my hand were wheels and if my feet were wheels
Then I could roll over all of my rivals
If I could cast a spell or do something swell
So that she could tell I was worth her attention

Arms drag me away
The little eyes wink out
Stuffed inside my pocket is a flask of wine

Now I can run as fast as the Flash
Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness
Now I’ll be a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,
Stronger than the Thing
Now I can win the one-legged girl!