I am Guybrush Threepwood
The only non-undead pirate to know the secrets of Monkey Island
Well, four secrets actually

I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I have overstayed my welcome through many graphic adventures
I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I have come here to rid this island of deadly and murdorous clam?
I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I don't have a drinking problem
I am Captain Threepwood,
I've been to Monkey Island four times
Defeated the evil pirate LeChuck repeatedly
I uncovered the gates of hell,
I destroyed an Australian land-developer and his ultimate insult
Discovered the worlds only talking monkey,
And married the most beautiful governour in the world
And all before the age of 22