(Mr Garrison)

I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad,
And not in our holiday,
and so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say

Hey there, mister Muslim!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Put down that book the Koran,
and here's some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass,
And fuckin' celebrate

There is no holiday season,
In India, I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings,
And that is just absurd

They never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why every December,
I'll go to India and shout

Hey there, mister Hinduist!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef,
And pass it to the missus
*Hindu music*
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass,
And fuckin' celebrate

Now I've heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin

On December 25th,
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan,
And walk around and say

HEY THERE, mister Shintoist!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
God is gonna kick your ass,
You infidelic pagan scum!
*Japanese music*
In case you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So let's all rejoice for Jesus,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas, ta you

On Christmas Day
I travel around the world and say
Daoists, Christians, Buddists,
and all you Atheists, too!
Merry Fuckin' Christma-aaaaas,
To yooo-oouuu!

*small clapping sound*

Thank you, Mr Hat