Written by Kevin Bacon

"We want this to become the 'You're So Vain' of the millennium" KB

There's a line around the block, and it stretches a mile
They're gonna pay good money to see your dazzlin' smile
You got a come-hither look in your babydoll eyes
And you got the kind of body make a man tell lies
And when you're standing next to me, you do the little things you do

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you

You're the center of attention everywhere you go
Sittin' on the boys' laps puttin' on a show
You get your clothes and your shoes and your drugs for free
And God knows you've got a lot more money than me
When you're bendin' over just to give us all a better view

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you

You introduce me to your guy and you say your love is true
Well he's a better man than I, 'cause he's got to live with you
In the movie of your life, he is just an extra in it
But baby, if you were my wife
To have and hold, the truth be told
I couldn't take it for a New York minute

Now you're crying 'cause the paper printed something rude
You say you never, ever, ever, ever touched that dude
Well, it's the National Enquirer it can't be true
But I'm not so sure they got it wrong about you
You're feeling kind of tragic and your eyes get misty-blue (boo-hoo!)

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married
I'm so glad I'm not married, to you