THE STAND UP COMIC'S INSTRUCTIONS - Paul Weller

Get 'em laughing - keep 'em there,
You hold your own and they'll hold their's
Hold their glasses - can't hold their beer,
Tell 'em the one about the fucking queer

Do the one that always works,
'Bout the lazy blacks who don't like work
And once you got 'em, keep 'em there
Raise their spirits! Raise their cheer!

Do that one that never fails
'Bout the gang of white thugs and the Asian male
And once you got 'em, they'll be with you!
See this lot's loyal, through and through

Tell Irish jokes and you can't miss,
Do the building site one and how they're all thick
Keep 'em laughing - you'll have it made
We're a friendly lot and you'll be well paid

But keep 'em laughing, don't let it stop
Or the truth might catch up and spoil the plot