(Jeb Anderson/Steven Dukes)

She cooks with lard, loves hot food bars:
A quart of sweet tea and fried pork skins
Can't get enough, eats 'til she's stuffed;
Goes to the bathroom then she comes back again
She thinks she looks just like Madonna,
When she runs her greasy fingers through her bleach blonde hair
Most times, she'll place another order,
And, Lordy, have mercy on that little bitty chair

She's got a butt bigger than the Beatles,
Eatin' me out of house and home
Her booty size, well, it oughtta be illegal,
She has a hard time, sittin' on the throne

Hamburgers, hot dogs; cheese fries and coleslaw
A dozen bearclaws; yum, yum, yum
Loves sausage links; hates diet drinks
Takes up both seats in a two-seater car
Her doctor said: "Lay off the bread,"
But he didn't say nothin' 'bout a Snickers bar
She drinks sweet milk by the gallon,
And she'd never eat a salad or a lean cuisine
Then she'll lay spread out on the hammock,
After she's done her damage at the Dairy Queen

She's got a butt bigger than the Beatles,
Folks make fun 'cos she's overgrown
Her rump's shaped like a Volkswagen Beetle
She gives new meaning to the words: "Big boned"

Bagels and cream cheese; vanilla ice cream
A tub of whipped cream; yum, yum, yum
No, you won't find her name on the weight loss of fame,
Down at Jenny Craig's
When she cleans 'em out at the waffle house,
They'll bring in more han and eggs , ooooh

She's got a butt bigger than the Beatles,
Her favorite food is chocolate ding-dongs
It's wide enough to play line-backer for the Eagles
Deon Sanders better leave her alone

Tried chicken that's baked, or fat-free milk shake
Enough for God's sake: Stop the insanity

Weight watchers, yeah
Weight watchers, yeah

Yeah, I watched her weight
I watched it go from one seventeen and a quarter when I married her,
To three hund'rd and seventeen and a half, two-and-a-half years later Mooo!
But I still love ya, honey