Now when I learned to play the ukulele,
I used to practice day and night
My pals all roared as I fumbled at a chord,
But I couldn't get the darned thing right

They laughed when I started to play, they laughed so hearty
Only two lessons I had, I went up the scale and down the scale,
It wasn't so bad
But one chap, he said "Oh what a mug, why you can't learn that way"
He took the uke off me and said "Now I'll have a try"
Just then the 'G' string bust and flew right into his eye
He laughed when I started to play, but he didn't laugh again all day

Oh they laughed when I started to play, oh they laughed so hearty
Strip poker that's a good game,
Once I lost my trousers to a gambling dame
But when, I started shuffling the cards, then the luck came my way
I won a frock and undies, she was left I declare
As bare as any savage and as savages are bear
She laughed when I started to play,
But she didn't laugh again that day

Now once I watched a game of water polo,
With players from a ladies school
The girls all cried "Won't you make up a side?"
So I dashed into the bathing pool
They laughed when I started to play, oh how they laughed so hearty
In goal, I paddled about, a big ball in the water soon I started to clout
Each time, that it came bobbing back, well I smacked it away
Just then the ball turned over and a girl said "No larks",
"Seven times you've hit me where I can't show the marks"
She laughed when I started to play,
But she didn't laugh again that day