It's Christmas time in moshlands and the supermarket roof glows red Grandad's roasting his nuts by the fire, he's off his fuckin' head The kids all dancing ‘round the tree, grandma's fuckin' trippin'

Then a voice say's “Oh, put that bong down, finish those cans, you lot should be kippin'

Santa's coming anytime now, don't ask me when don't ask me how, he only seems to work part-time, one day a year it's such a crime I fuckin' knows what's goin' on, that fat bastard's signing on

He fuckin' is, I'm telling you I fuckin' seen him mone
Being Santa is ok, it could be a good crack, who else do you know got a job for life but still ends up with a sack I think Santa's being naughty, keeping it all to himself He don't need no UB40 he got the National Health, twat

Santa's coming anytime now, don't ask me when don't ask me how, he only seems to work part-time, one day a year it's such a crime I fuckin' knows what's goin' on, I seen that bastard signing on

It was him, I fuckin' seen him, honest now boys, darn it he was standing in the fuckin' queue, big fuckin' red suit on, lazy twat Oh on my fuckin' rent-man's life, I wouldn't fuckin' lie to you boys, it was fuckin' sa…, Oh well fuck off then if you don't believe me Oh, Santa you can fuck off and all

Now Christmas time is a special time, you musn't stop believing, Christmas time is a special time for giving and receiving, Christmas time is a special time but the prices are fuckin' shockin' Her indoors weighs 18 stone, I'll never fill her fuckin' stockin'

If I was Santa things would change, we'd all live in a grotto, flog that tree down cash exchange and all get fuckin' blotto If Santa comes ‘round our house, he'll have such a greetin', he'll also have a fuckin' shock ‘coz we got central heating, Oh

Santa's coming anytime now, don't ask me when don't ask me how, he only seems to work part-time, one day a year it's such a crime I fuckin' knows what's goin' on, I seen that bastard signing on I fuckin' knows what's goin' on, I seen that bastard signing on

Merry Christmas, now FUCK OFF

Fuckin' Santa, if I sees him he'll have the fuckin' head, I'm telling you