You call this a party?
You're lacking piñatas and compelling conversation
Did I think that this would work while you carry drinks in pockets like a gunslinger?
But my standards are down baby and you're cute as a bee
If we keep on trying we can make this happen
Where the hell is your friend when I need her?

I know who you are
You're my wasted years staring back at me
I hate to break it to you
I'm not the kind of guy your mother warned you about
You're better than this,
And you're wishing I was the type to wake up in the morning with my head in my hands

You call this a party?
You're seasoned and I'm shy
We'll fix that another time
My blood is clean and I'm of age yet I'm hiding from the goddamn police
Are we having fun yet baby?
Looks like you've shown some good times
Go ahead and say you love me; you don't have to mean it
Wouldn't want that on my mind

You know who I am?
I'm your wasted years staring back at you
I'm not the kind of guy your mother warned you about
You're better than this,
And you're wishing I was the type to wake up in the morning with my head in my hands

I've got some news for you,
I've got it bad
I'm not proving anyone right tonight
Don't you dare touch me
I don't know just where you've been
And things were going so well

I hate to break it to you,
I'm not the kind of guy your mother warned you about
You're better than this,
And you're wishing I was the type to wake up in the morning with my head in my hands