(Parody of "Downtown" by Petula Clark)

Mommy and Dad are never nervous or mad
When you teenagers go downtown
Daddy and Mom just stay at home and be calm
And watch the late late show uptown
Cause when you kids are gone we get to spend some time alone here
That's our only chance to use the bathtub or the phone here
When you're away
Besides, we're stuck where we are
Because you kids took our money, you kids took our car and went
Downtown, where can you possibly
Downtown, it's twenty after three
Downtown, what do you mean by, "Let's fruck"?

You don't come home till 4 AM cause you're roaming
In the streets somewhere, downtown
We would feel swell if only someone would tell us
What goes on down there, downtown
But every time we ask you what you're doing after dark there
You just say that you were frucking to Petula Clark there
That's what I mean
So, kids, give your folks a break
Because you're driving us crazy, we sit here all night and take
Pill town, swallowing pills so we'll
Calm down, counting the hours you're
Downtown, you and your fruck and your slop

While we're lying there we try to watch the television
Then you call us up and say you've had a slight collision
There goes the car
Besides that you've been arrested
So we've got to get up, and we've got to get dressed and go
Downtown, borrow a car and go
Downtown, that's where you are, you finks,
Downtown, wait 'till I get you kids home

(Spoken) There'll be no more frucking, no swing, no jerk, no mashed potato, no slop! And you know what else? You're gonna stay home tonight, and your mother and I are going downtown and we're going to dance the tango, and the waltz, and the foxtrot, and we're gonna do the bunny hop That's a nice dance! And there'll be no more frucking! Is that quite clear? NO MORE FRUCKING!