I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm okay
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there, well you know what that means"

I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street

He's gonna get in trouble, oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt the Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class and be grounded for a week

He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me

He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by and I already dread the day

He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave
But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out if he's anything like me
There's worst folks to be like, oh he'll be alright if he's anything like me