Cheer up, it might never happen
Drive by shootings on the streets of Clapham
Jackboots booting right across the map
And daddy's gone 'a looting with his pistol packin' mama

And God didn't make the little green apples
With the Halloween grin and the shaving tackle
Another worrying thing for the grans to grapple
As the earth quakes, shakes and rolls and rattles on

And if the whole world is a stage
A kaleidoscope of lights and sound
You can take my Equity card away
And burn the theater to the ground

Cheer up, it might never happen kid
Although I think it probably just did
The Christmas speech was a porno vid
A topless picture on the British quid

Jack and Jill went off the cliff
Contract killed in a lovers' tiff
While Ben and Bill smoke a comic spliff
Tom and Jerry built to a moronic riff

And if the whole world is a stage
A kaleidoscope of lights and sound
You can take my Equity card away
And burn the theater to the ground

Sack the actors send the clowns
Back to practice paper rounds
Sweeping leaves and walking dogs

Daily deeds and bob a jobs
Sitting babies, salting snow
Helping ladies cross the road
Washing cars, recycling tins

Catching falling stars and things
Helping old folk, corner shop
Little things that mean a lot
A fairytale-like end to violence

Through jumble sales and sponsored silence
Stop the world I wanna get back on
I want to learn to love the bomo
And have it tattooed across my gut

The immortal words cheer up
It might never happen to you kid
Although I think it probably just did