You are you gotta tell me something I mean, seriously, I'm
tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I
have ever met anybody really from Hollywood I mean, really my
girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank I mean,
none of us
Pleased to meet you
Hi Howie
We never met a pop star from Hollywood tell me something: have
you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?
No no, I
I mean David Cassady, he's so
Jimmy Greenspoon, once I
Three Dog Night?!!
Yeah
Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! ow gawd oh, do you
like my new car? I'm ah my Dad just gave it to me for graduation
Ah yeaah?!! I'ts a it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic,
ah I dig the fins listen: do you know how to get to the ah
Hollywood Inn from here?
No, ah which one is it?
(burp) excuse me It's the one by the airport you know cause
we gotta get up early an' fly outta here in the morning,
y'know
Oh, I didn't know that Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I
mean, I'd like to come maybe in your bus or somethin'
Yeah?
(Voice in background):
In the BUS!
Come in the bus, huh? Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see Tierra
del Fuego
Ook! You're so professional, Howie!
Oh, it's not it's nothing
Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these
exotic places, I mean
Yeah
Tell me something tell me and my girl- TELL me: Do you really
have a hit record on the charts now? with a BULLET? I mean
that's really important to me
Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?
He-Het! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!
Naw, I never I never said
We are not groupies! You better understand that! I told Robert
Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys
Robert PLANET?!
We are not groupies!
No, I never
Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
Yaw it's obvious to see why listen, I never
(2nd non-groupie):
Howie
(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! Tell him right now!
(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends You know?
(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, Really just for friends, Howie
(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you Yeah we wouldn't mind coming in your bus,
but
(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record
Listen you chicks!now didn' didn't you just say that you got off
bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon with cream corn?
an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the
backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO bottle or she went
apeshit?!
Ooooh
What's the deal, baby? Come on
Howie! Howie, lissen yo me all that's true
Come across
All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's
Cream Soda or a CEL-RAY! but! we are not groupies! No matter
what you think
No, I never
We are not groupies
You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem,
honey because I I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know
an' an' I want some ACTION what I'm talkin' about is, I
wanna a-a-steaming succulent ever-widening, gooey, drippy,
runny kind of a hole with a with how shall I put this what
say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF
Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy Jesus!
(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man
(voice up front):
Very agile, Howie, very agile
(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here it's all
Now lissen! It just so happend tonight me and my girlfriends, I
mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight
Yeah?
Looking for a guy And we're looking for a guy from a group
Wow
BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!
WAAAH!
AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!
WAAAAAAAAH! That's me!! That's me! ooh! oooohh, you
voluptouns Manhattan Island clit Take me I'm yours, you
hole Fulfill my wildest dreams!
Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive pop star of
a man picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo
canes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Why, 'n
enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a
donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! All this and more,
Howie! Including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel
injection fuel injection fuel injection
Oooh! my god, I I I can't stand it! I mean I mean, dou
you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I CAN'T STAND
IT!!! I CAN'T STAND IT !! I CAN'T STAND IT!! OH NO!! Oh my god
I'm going home! I'm gonna see my baby (etc) I really can't stand
it please give it to me give it to me right here in the
trunk of your Gremlin give me GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE
PICKLES SAUCE SHOVED UP BETWEEN A DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME
ANYMORE!
Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record! and I
want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I
wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!
The bullet?
The BULLET! The BULLET! I'ts the part that gets me the hottest
hehe! now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or
you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy
Well, I know when I'm licked all over Okay, baby: BEND OVER
AND SPREAD 'EM! Here comes my BULLET!!
(all sing Happy Together