Uncle Bernie's got me on his knee
Chocolate fingers in his Tea
He thinks he's fuckin' cool
But he's a fool
And I've been sitting waiting here for hours
Sydney wont get out the fucking shower
Another lazy boring Christmas morning round at ours
Daddy, Daddy told me
You'll never get from Pete Doherty what you're wanting to
If he know (he'd be cool)
Oh, im not that bad, dad, yeah yeah yeah
It's boring at Christmas
I'm no kid anymore
And I'm old enough for the panto
And too young for the sauce
But when the balls start ringing
I start grinning and lose my Christmas blues
I'll get my sex under the mistletoe with you
Grandma's had the best of all the sweets
Picking toffee out her teeth
She says she should've been a 'sshole queen
And mother sighs as everybody shouts
We don't want no soggy sprouts
Another lazy boring Christmas morning round at ours

Daddy, Daddy told me
You'll never get from Pete Doherty what you're wanting to
If he know (he'd be cool)
Oh, im not that bad, dad, yeah yeah yeah
It's boring at Christmas
I'm no kid anymore
And I'm old enough for the panto
And too young for the sauce
But when the balls start ringing
I start grinning and lose my Christmas blues
I'll get my sex under the mistletoe with you
(Swearing)