Although I nearly broke my neck trying to break the ice
I think you're very nice
Let's go and have a drink
What'd you think?
Throw a six and go to jail

Although I've met a mouthy man or two before
You've got the highest score I'm sure
I don't mind if I do have a drink with you
Or two
Now you know

I'll try and pull the verbal back a bit
In case your ear-ache threatens our relationship
As a master crook I've found out I'm a div
So now I make a meagre living as a spiv
Suitcha self

I'm not sure I want to tell you much about me recently
It's hard to put it decently
I used to do exotic dances
But nowadays I concentrate on taking stupid chances

I feel like there's a bond with you
I'm getting very fond of you
It's good to correspond with you
Wish I could abscond with you

Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well

Welcome to my quarters, pull a bed up
Sorry it's a tip, it's furnished from a skip
I rarely entertain here, usually I roll back pissed
Get blocked and fall straight in and kip
More fool me

I'm a very nosy person - can I look?
God you've got a lot of books, haven't you?
I'm not much of a reader myself
Literature rather left me on the shelf as it were
I mean was

The days it isn't going well, I tell the world to go to hell
And slam up here with Edgar Allen Poe and Ruth Rendell
And I feel better straight away
That's all I can say about books

When I wake up and this is all gone
And something spoils it, it was all bollocks anyway
It will still be good

Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well
Well, well, ah well, well, well