Summertime in Virginia,
it's sticky as sticky can be
It's liveable with the climate-control,
of course, that's for a fee
It was tougher back in the olden days,
back before the air-condition craze,
alls I can say is better them than me

Stanky 'ol Ramona,
stanky as stanky can get,
workin' at the roadside vegetable stand
over in the northern neck
She would beg to differ,
she'd say it's fine in the shade
But I would rather shiver,
than sweat my ass to the grave

So, take me to the Tundra
so I can see my breath,
where icicles drip right from my nose
in a desolate frozen valley of death
I'm tired of bein' soaking wet,
tired of this rash I get
Take me to the Tundra
so I can see my breath

Sweat stains on the car-seat,
sweat stains on my shirt,
sweat stains on the seat of my pants
mixed-in with Virginia dirt
Heat like this brings ya to your knees,
hallucinate to the deep-freeze,
pray to the higher power
for a little breeze

It was hotter than hell
when Satan himself
come up the other day
With red-pointed perspiration pourin',
he looked at me as if to say:
"Well, how in the heaven can you deal?
With this heat like this I don't care to feel
I'm goin' home, back down the road to hell"

Well, I reckon I should build me a swimming-pool
and have it attached to me,
so I can walk around all day long
and be as cool as one man can be
But, I would probably shrivel,
lemme tell ya, brother, that ain't right
Maybe we should just sleep all day,
and live our lives at night