This is the story of the first Thanksgiving, once again by my drunk grandpa:

Many years agoChristopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn't let the Jewish people go
So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats: the Mayflower, the Santa Maria, and the USS Enterprise
When they landed on America, and indian squaw, named Sacagawea, met them and traded them pelts for beer, and then showed them how to de-gut a rabbit
That night her friends danced around with their boobs hanging out and balanced clay pots on their heads
The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot turkeys and played horseshoes
It was General Custer's birthday, and three Oriental Kings showed up with gifts of myrrh and other crap
Many pilgrims did not survive the first winter because they didn't have heat because Jimmy Carter who was president of the Pilgrims had an oil embargo

Sacagawea and her Indian friends burnt buffalo turds and heated the camp
The pilgrims was thankful
However it smelled so bad animals come outta the forest two by two
The Lord then made a rainbow appear, to show that he would never make turds burn again, and cause a horrible smell
Sacagawea fell in love with Kemosabe, and they were married on that first Thanksgiving, and lived in a tent with wheels That's right
All the pilgrims were glad to be away from the king, and to beat that they all landed right on Thanksgiving day
Charlton Heston was then elected president

My grandpa was REALLY drunk