I judge by what she's wearing,
Just how many heads I'm tearing,
Off of assholes coming on to her,
(Each night seems like it's getting worse),
And I wish she'd take the night off,
So I don't have to fight off,
Every asshole coming on to her,
(It happens every night she works,)
They'll go and ask the DJ,
Find out just what would she say,
If they all tried coming on to her,
(Don't they know it's never going to work),
They think they'll get inside her,
With every drink they buy her,
As they all try coming on to her,
(This time somebody's getting hurt)

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
There goes the next contestant

I even fear the ladies,
They're cool but twice as crazy,
Just as bad for coming on to her,
(Don't they know it's never going to work),
Each time she bats an eyelash,
Somebody's grabbing her ass,
Everyone keeps coming on to her,
(This time somebody's getting hurt)

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
There goes the next contestant

I'm hating what she's wearing,
Everybody here keeps staring,
Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve,
(This time somebody's getting hurt)

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
I wish you'd do it again,
(I'll watch you leave here limping),
I wish you'd do it again,
(Each night seems like it's getting worse),
I wish you'd do it again
(This time somebody's getting hurt)
There goes the next contestant